Popsicles, splash pads, barbecues….and tears?

By Mary Tabak, Our Kids Network Developmental Assets Manager

Keeping your cool when kids’ behavior heats up

Yes, summertime. We all look forward to the relaxing days, kids out of school, family barbecues, and summer fun. But when you have children in your life, there can be power struggles, temper tantrums, hurt feelings, and banged up knees. How we handle these moments can mean the difference between a good day and a bad day for our kids. 

I remember one summer day many years ago when my five-year-old packed his bags and decided to move out. People had been coming and going in the house all day, as I rushed to prepare for a large family barbecue. He walked into the kitchen, Spiderman luggage in hand, and told me that he was going to live with grandma. Without thinking I said, “Go ahead, but you better start walking now because you won’t get there until tomorrow.” He turned on his heels and walked out the door. 

I watched as he marched along the sidewalk. Fortunately those few moments, as I followed him, gave me the time needed realize how my thoughtless response had hurt him. Of course, I caught up with him, hugged him tight, and apologized. I told him how much I love him. Then we sat on the sidewalk and figured out how he was feeling and why. 

Have you ever had a parenting moment when you blurted out a thoughtless, hurtful comment? Have you wished you could take back something you just said to your child? Of course you have. 

When children and youth’s behavior is challenging, we can be triggered by their actions or things they may say. But before we can help them, we need to regulate our own emotions and get to an internal calm space, so that we can truly support their needs.

These are a few things that I could have said to give myself time to think, reassure him, and diffuse the situation:

  • I can see you are upset and that’s okay. 
  • Something is hard for you right now.  How can I help? 
  • We can figure this out together.  Tell me more.
  • Can you help me understand what you need?
  • I care about you and would hate to see you go.
  • Let’s come up with another solution together.

Think about keeping statements and questions like this where you can see and practice them regularly, until they become natural and habitual. (My kids have memories of me running to the fridge door when I needed a few seconds to think!) A simple strategy like modelling emotional regulation will build meaningful relationships with your kids.

Loving mom talks sweetly to son outside

Thanks to our friends at Reach Out Centre for Kids (ROCK) a Halton agency for child and youth mental health, for developing this resource, What You Can Say When Children are Upset.

HO HO HOLD Everything!

By Mary Tabak, Our Kids Network Developmental Assets Manager

It’s easy to get caught up in all the excitement of the holidays.  We can get overwhelmed with all the ads, decorations…and our children coming up with lists of “things” they want for the holidays. Let’s slow it down for a moment and reflect on what the holidays really mean to you.

How your holidays will look, sound and feel this year is up to you. You can choose what is really important and how you want to celebrate it.

Some considerations for when you’re making plans…

Spending lots of money?                    OR                   Spending lots of time with loved ones?

Most stressful time of year?                OR                   Most meaningful time of year?

House full of decorations?                  OR                   House full of family and friends?

Giving gifts from the store?                 OR                   Giving gifts from the heart?

A time to clash with family?                 OR                   A time to build or repair relationships?

Focus on getting?                               OR                   Focus on giving?

Eating lots of food?                             OR                   Sharing lots of food?

Standing in line?                                 OR                   Standing up for what you believe in?

Counting gifts?                                    OR                   Counting blessings?

In thinking about our work with Developmental Relationships, let’s make some space for relationships to thrive through the holidays and all year round.

Express Care                          Invite someone who is alone to your table.

Challenge Growth                   Continue an old family tradition or start a new one.

Provide Support                      Find a charity and commit to it as a family.

Share Power                           Encourage the children to help in menu planning.

Expand Possibilities                Visit and explore a small town in Ontario.

Kids hugging thier grandpa

For more information about Developmental Relationships and asset-building, visit www.ourkidsnetwork.ca/Relationships

 

 

Put Play (and Rest) at the Top of your List for National Child Day Tuesday, November 20

By Mary Tabak, Our Kids Network Developmental Assets Manager

Playing was like a job for me when I was a child. I did it every day. And anywhere I went, children were playing. There were very few structured, scheduled activities. Play was just what kids did back then, no matter where we were or whom we were with. Well, until we dropped from exhaustion with a big smile on our faces…and then we slept soundly.

The United Nations has designated November 20th as National Child Day. This day is an opportunity to reflect on how we can advocate, promote and celebrate children’s rights to make Halton and the world a better place for them.

We know that play and rest are vital to positive child development, but did you know that, according to the UN Convention on the Rights of a Child, children have the right to play and rest? Just as they have the right to basic needs such as food, shelter, safety, protection and education.

Considering this, our challenge is to prioritize play and rest in our tightly-scheduled, high -stress, plugged-in world. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

PLAY

  • Find a place at home to keep a puzzle going for days.
  • Turn the music on. Maybe someone will start to dance!
  • Waiting for laundry to dry? Grab a Frisbee and go outside.
  • Teach the dog a new trick together
  • Leave board games out and visible.
  • Organize a scavenger hunt in the park.
  • Get down on the floor and build something (with Lego, cards, pillows or anything handy and safe).

Children playing outside

 

Mother playing with her son in the back yard.

REST

  • Turn lights down in the evening.
  • Continue a bedtime routine as children grow up.
  • Limit screen time in bedrooms for everyone.
  • Encourage short naps as needed.
  • Model rest, relaxation and rejuvenation.
  • Keep bedrooms and bedtimes stress-free.
  • Take your vacation time.

A child’s right to play and rest is making a comeback.  Be part of the movement!

For more information and ideas on parenting, playing and sleep, visit haltoniparent.ca. Follow us @Haltoniparent

More information and resources related to National Child Day are available through the Public Health Agency of Canada at canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/childhood-adolescence/national-child-day.html  UNICEF Canada also provides resources at unicef.ca/ncd, including a kid-friendly poster that lists the rights outlined in the UN Convention.

 

Acton Early Years Committee: “The Heart of the Matter”

By Alison Hilborn, Our Kids Network Acton Community Hub Coordinator

Around the Acton Early Years Committee table, making a positive difference in children’s lives is what we all want.  We want young children in Acton to grow and flourish, and ultimately become successful, happy adults.  We work towards this vision through the many strong partnerships around the table. Over the past four years we’ve met once a month. We’ve brainstormed, discussed, critically analyzed, grown closer, and developed supportive, mindful relationships – relationships with “heart”.

It’s important to recognize that the partners on this committee come from organizations that have their own mandates, and yet these organizations all see the tremendous value in working together to bring change for the good to the community, and to young children and their families. We’re grateful for these Halton organizations* that support their staff to participate at the Acton Early Years Committee table. The benefits from their knowledge, expertise and perspectives on child development and this community’s unique needs are invaluable. We’ve progressed from speculating on possible solutions to grounding our discussions and actions in experiential learning, best practice efforts, and strategies.

It’s easy to see how our evidence-based initiatives that support young Acton children reflect the heart and creativity of the Acton Early Years Committee:

  • Fine and gross motor skill activity kits that respond directly to the Early Development Initiative (EDI) vulnerabilities.
  • Annual Kindergarten Fun Fairs to engage with new parents and to provide necessary service support information.
  • Connect, Play & Learn Every Day! Messaging that speaks directly to parents.

We know it will take more time, and lots of hard work, to improve on current EDI results, but the Acton Early Years Committee is dedicated!  We will use our partnerships, what we’ve learned, and our “heart” to continue to work toward addressing the underlying factors that impact young children’s developmental readiness for school – and to ensure that, in Acton, all children thrive!

Approximately 280 people attended the 2018 Acton Kindergarten Fun Fair including 89 brand, new kindergarten children!

 

*Acton Early Years Committee

Halton Catholic District School Board

St. Joseph’s Catholic Elementary School

Halton District School Board

McKenzie-Smith Bennet School

Robert Little Public School

Halton Region, Children’s Services and Healthy Families

The Halton Resource Centre

Reach Out Centre for Kids ROCK

The Town of Halton Hills

Community Living North Halton,

YMCA of the GTA

Links2Care – EarlyON

Halton Hills Libraries

Halton Children’s Aid Society

Spirit of Partnership Thrives at the OKN Milton Hub

By Our Kids Network Milton Hub Coordinator

 

Wonderful community partners have made the Milton Hub the success that it is today.

Partnerships are what make our outreach into the community work. The Milton Hub’s partners come from the social service sector, not-for-profit sector, the faith community, the Town of Milton, the Halton District School Board and the Halton Catholic District School Board. This amazing team of partners all share a strong interest in supporting the community and working together to better serve the children and families of Milton. This shared focus is what makes us a “backbone” community table.

Our team of Hub partners meet often to discuss programs that they themselves are running in support of the community, or to learn about programs run by other service providers. This way everyone is knowledgeable about all programs taking place in the community, so partners can better serve their cliental and avoid duplication.

A key aspect of our meetings is the resilient connections forged between agencies and partners that lead to further partnerships and potential programs. Our Kids Network and Halton agencies and organizations are unique in that a majority of agencies serving the community are so very willing to work together to identify issues. They plan and develop programs and then deliver them in unity. They are dedicated to working together rather than in their own individual funding silos. This makes for a better community for everyone – but most of all for our children, youth and families.

 

Crosstowne Community Church Building on Caring for the Milton Community

One of the Hub’s community partners is Crosstowne Community Church – a strong partner for many years. Each August, the Hub hosts a Backpack and Community BBQ program with Crosstowne, and this past August, we provided over fifty backpacks to children in need.

We’re excited about this November 10, when the Milton Hub will again host a winter clothing pop-up shop and coat drive in partnership with Crosstowne Church at “The Corner”, 100 Nipissing Rd., Unit 3. The focus of the pop-up and coat drive is newcomers to Milton and Canada, and community members accessing mental health support.

Image if kids enjoying winter

In the past two years, while the church organized the event, the Hub contributed its extensive community contact list to help spread the word and ensure the Hub team partner agencies let their clients know about the pop-up shop. As well, Hub partners, such as schools, helped acquire donations.

Last year’s events were well attended and many people in Milton were able to have and enjoy winter clothing that they are not able to afford.

This is only one wonderful example of the spirit of partnership at work in Milton!!Milton Hub Winter Clothing Pop up flyer